Last week, my husband and I attended a breastfeeding class at the hospital where I'll deliver. Since becoming pregnant (and even before then) breastfeeding was very important to me (and still is). I have read all of the studies about the benefits of breast milk for babies and more than anything, I hope and pray I'm able to provide our little one with breast milk.
I have to admit I was really disappointed with the class---not because the information wasn't good---but because I felt the overarching message of the class came from a place of judgement and instilling fear. There was a lot of "formula is evil" type talk, which I don't think is fair. We were all there to learn about breastfeeding, so obviously we want to breastfeed---but of all of the women in the class---how many will actually go on to breastfeed exclusively for 6 months, as recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics? I don't have that answer...but the class left me feeling defeated because it was so "this is the only way and any other way should absolutely be avoided at all costs." I think it causes moms to feel unnecessary stress and guilt if they don't or can't breastfeed for the recommended amount of time. Maybe that was just the one instructor though, who knows.
During the class, I had asked about the lactation consultant's personal experiences working with mothers who had undergone a breast augmentation and wanted to breastfeed. Her feedback was mostly encouraging---she said most women with implants were able to breastfeed---especially if the surgery was more than 2 years ago, the implant was placed under the muscle and the incision was NOT made around the aereola. Check, check, check (for me). I know several women who have successfully breastfed with implants so I wasn't overly concerned about the surgery affecting my ability to breastfeed, but it was nice to hear some positive feedback from the lactation consultant too.
What took me by surprise was when the instructor pulled me aside after class. She gave me her card and recommended I come see one of the lactation consultants immediately after the birth of the baby because I would probably need to start pumping in addition to trying to breastfeed to build my supply. I appreciated that advice because I want to get off to the best start...but once we started getting more into my history I started to feel absolutely and totally defeated (and this may admittedly be impacted by the fact that I'm more emotional lately).
The lactation consultant had asked me about my breasts prior to surgery and I told her that they never changed/developed during puberty (which is why I got the implants) and that my plastic surgeon had told me that I was one of the most under-developed patients he'd ever operated on. I don't know why it never occurred to me that a lack of ample tissue could present a problem when it came to breastfeeding---I guess you don't think about that when you're in your early 20's. The instructor also asked me if my breasts changed during pregnancy and they haven't grown in size, but I have seen some other changes in them, which she did say could be a positive sign.
Of course I started to Google as soon as I got home and came upon some websites that confirmed my fears...there's a chance I'm one of the very rare women who may have Insufficient Glandular Tissue (one of the signs of this is breasts that did not change during puberty and pregnancy---there are other signs too but these are the main ones that apply to me). Basically, I may be able to produce some breast milk---but never enough to exclusively feed my baby with it. Now---I'm not saying this is my destiny---I could very well have no issues whatsoever...but reading about this condition certainly made me face the the fact that I may not be able to provide what I wish I could for my baby and that I'll be one of the moms that people like the instructor of that class will probably judge for "caving" to formula feeding. At the end of the day, I have to feed my baby and I will do whatever she needs to grow and be healthy.
I know so many women who struggled with breastfeeding---some made it through those first six tough weeks or so and went on to breastfeed really successfully, some supplemented with formula and some stopped all together for various reasons. It just seems like the class was taught in a way that doesn't really address the tough parts about breastfeeding or the challenges a woman can face. Even all of the moms featured in the breastfeeding video shown in class had breasts and nipples of almost the exact same shape and size. I wish they had shown more of a variety, it would have felt more encouraging.
I suppose up until now I had been living in ignorant bliss about breastfeeding. I was so determined that I would do whatever it takes to make it work, that I didn't even think about the possibility that I could actually be limited by my own natural anatomy. I've had some time to process this and my husband has been really supportive when I've gotten down about it. We will cross that bridge when we get there and not worry about it now. Thanks for letting me vent a little about this...
How far along? 36 weeks (I do these a week behind as a recap of the previous week, so I'm actually 37 weeks and 2 days today).
Total weight gain/loss: I've gained about 27 pounds now. Just as I predicted, I packed it all on at the very end.
Maternity clothes? I'm still living in my GAP maternity skinnies and long tanks and tunics. Flats are my new best friend. Maxi dresses are the best invention in life.
Stretch marks? Still none, but I am predicting I will get some around my belly button because of the stupid piercing holes being stretched out so much. Right now I'm mostly using Belli's Elasticity Belly Oil and Mustela double-action stretch mark cream in rotation. I'm over the Mamma Mio Tummy Rub a little.
Symptoms: They've really piled on this week. My fingers are swollen and my feet and ankles feel swollen. My OB told me that they're not that swollen but I can tell by how my shoes fit (i.e. one pair doesn't even fit anymore). I am also experiencing occasional Braxton Hicks contractions, lower back pain, cramping that radiates to my thighs (occasionally) and just general, overall discomfort.
Sleep: It's so-so. Some nights I can sleep really well (even with getting up to pee a few times) and other nights I'm surfing Instagram and reading celebrity gossip at 3 or 4 in the morning just to try to get back to sleep again. Thank God for iPhones.
Best moment this week: Celebrating our wedding anniversary, FINDING OUT BABY IS HEAD DOWN (YAY!) It's nice to know I will at least have a chance at having a vaginal delivery.
(pretty flowers from the hubs)
Have you told family and friends: Yes!
Miss Anything? Being comfortable
Movement: Things are getting tight up in there. She definitely has cycles of sleep and wakefulness. I thank God for my weekly NST's because I swear they're all that keeps me sane during these last few weeks.
(just hangin' out with my fetal monitor)
Food cravings: Cereal with milk, Subway sandwiches, sweets in general
Anything making you queasy or sick: Yes---eating! I can only eat smaller meals now, but constantly. I used to eat every 2-3 hours and now I feel like I eat all the time but smaller amounts. Every time I eat a massive meal I feel like I'm going to topple over and I feel really nauseous. There's just no more room in there for me to eat larger meals.
Have you started to show yet: My belly feels huge these days. People ask when I'm due.
Belly Button in or out? Out
Wedding rings on or off? I still wear my e-ring with a faux wedding band. My wedding band is too tight right now. I can still get it on, but don't want to risk not getting it off again.
Happy or Moody most of the time: A little bit of everything all rolled into one. I feel happy and excited but also tired and burned out.
Looking forward to: These days, I just look forward to NST's and OB appointments. I like to know everything is okay with the baby.
(Here's a pretty piece of nursery art I ordered.
Can't wait to share the rest of the pieces with y'all!)
Thank you for reading and for all of my pregnant readers, please feel free to check in below as well and let me know how your pregnancy is going :) I also welcome everyone's advice and comments about pregnancy!
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